You guys I have been the worst blogger lately. I want to blog, I have about 100 things I want to tell you but I'm either too tired to write or I sit down to write and I can't remember anything I want to say.
I love this little baby boy to death but he is stealing ALL of my energy and brain cells. I pretty much need a nap by 4pm every day and I CANNOT REMEMBER ANYTHING.
It's getting bad.
- I made an appointment to meet with a client tonight at 6pm, well I'm supposed to be picking up my mother in law from the train station at 6pm- whoops! (Thankfully Kyle is going to pick her up)
- A co-worker asked me if I was free this Friday for lunch and to go over stuff and I said oh yeah it's free day. Well it's not, tomorrow is Kyle's MBA graduation at 12:30pm- which is why my mother in law is coming into town yet somehow I can't keep track of these important details!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I hate feeling so out of control. I put things in my calendar but I'm pretty sure I need a reminder for my reminder to check my calendar.
I'm thinking it might have to do with the fact that May felt so far away and now suddenly we're half way through it and I'm starting to panic. My brain is running in a million circles.
Shits getting real. My due date is less than 6 weeks away. While I feel prepared to have this baby ie- I have a crib, a swing, diapers, clothes, bottles, baby books etc. I'm not sure I'm mentally prepared for how much my life is going to change. I start to doubt myself.
Don't get me wrong I am so excited for this next chapter and feel so incredibly blessed but it's little things like I will no longer be able to run to Target for a quick trip if I'm out of bread or I can't just meet friends for drinks and dinner after work or the fact that he's going to need to be feed, dressed, nurtured, loved, and cared for every day for the REST OF HIS LIFE!!!!
That's a lot of responsiblity. Raising a human is terrifying. Shouldn't I have to pass a national exam or something to see if I'm actually prepared to handle this?!
Sorry guys I just had to vent for a minute. Anyone else feel this way or have felt this way?
All those things is exactly why I'm NOT ready to have a child yet. haha I can't see myself taking care of a child and raising him/her in this world. I can barely afford to take care of myself! lol
ReplyDeleteYou will be fine, though - from what I hear, being a mother comes so natural and once you see the little guy all worries will fade :)
Alissa
FeelingGoodStyle.com
Ahh!!! You're getting so close! I had no idea you start forgetting stuff! It's for a good cause though :) I can't believe you're so close!
ReplyDeleteGotta love baby brain! Unfortunately, it never completely goes away.... It's natural to start getting scared. Real scared. The great news is we're all newbies the first time around and nobody knows nothing bout raising no babies (sorry, had to quote Gone With The Wind there). You'll figure it out. We all do. Try to enjoy it because every stage (even pregnancy) goes so quickly. The biggest advice I can give is once that baby comes out, hold him as much as possible. They don't let you when they get older and they get older so quickly!
ReplyDeleteHaving a baby is crazy scary and I don't think anyone can ever be truly "prepared." Life definitely changes big time but I think for us, at least, it was how we changed or didn't changed. You love your baby so much it all doesn't matter and after a few days you will have a new routine and your routine adapts and changes and you make it work. I promise you will forget how you feel right now in just a few weeks and it will all come together better than you could have expected! This is coming from one of the most crazed moms ever too :)
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, I forgot to pick up my daughter at school one day when I was 37 weeks with my second. Forgot her. :) You will get (most) of your brain back, I promise. Although, I've never been as sharp as I was pre-kids. And I can sympathize with the fear, its real girlfriend. But it will be OK and you will adapt. It'll be good, promise. :)
ReplyDeleteI have a 16 month old and still feel this way...unprepared. haha. You will do fine and your memory will come back though probably not until you get through those first few sleep deprived weeks.
ReplyDeletein my gr.12 psych class I actually had an assignment where me and this other guy were "married" and had to go up in front of a council to apply to have a baby....ours wound up being the comedic one and got denied but sometimes I do wonder if the world really should be like that. I've been like that when I forget things or schedule other things and forget about the first thing...its bound to happen again now that I'm working and doing a play
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand how over-whelming all those thoughts must be! You are going to be a great mother, though!
ReplyDeleteI remember when...I was talking to a special, older friend and I was saying the same things as you were. I was concerned about what to do with the little bundle when they were born. I remember fondly her visit in the hospital as I was sharing with her my little girl. She reminded me that I was worried and all my worries were naturally being dealt with. My baby is now 24. You will have lots of uhoh moments, many ohhhh moments and it is amazing how much you will love that little one. You will do an amazing job! <3
ReplyDeletethis is one of the things that scares me the most about having kids...and we aren't even trying yet! but as someone who likes to always be in control...the unknown of it all makes me SKERRED.
ReplyDeleteAw, hang in there! I remember when I had my first son and we were leaving the hospital I thought, What now? Are they really letting me leave with this little baby?! There are no instruction booklets and it's sort of terrifying. But things naturally work themselves out and you figure it out;) Take a deep breath and cut yourself a lot of slack, you'll be a great mom!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to this! I have been the worst blogger lately. And seriously, where is time going?! The first part of pregnancy dragged, and now I need a time out. Along with a brain transplant...
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way... and the baby brain stays around for a while, so don't feel bad, it is just preparing you! You'll get through it and while it is a lot of change, it is wonderful. If it makes you feel better, I showed up at a birthday party this weekend just as it was ending because I read the invite wrong. The beauty of having baby brain is that anyone who has been through it completely understands! hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAll of these feelings are totally normal! The "scarred" part will help you to be a better mom. It can seem overwhelming now but it will all work-out. And I promise that you will "get your brain back" before you know it;)
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