I try my best to keep it real but I think at this time of year with all the elaborate wishlists, gift guides, and perfectly decorated mantles and front doors it's hard not to compare yourself. It's hard not to think that your house isn't decorated enough or your budget isn't big enough for all the "must haves". I know I'm doing it myself with so many things right now when I know I shouldn't.
So if you knew me in real life here are some things you'd know...
-Life with two kids is really hard. I feel like I may have made it sound easy on Monday. It isn't easy. It hard, exhausting, and challenging. I've never felt such guilt doing simple tasks in my entire life.
-Matthew has totally rocked Miller's world. The past 3 days Miller has been so jealous and acting out. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes (instead if just getting angry) and think about how overwhelming this must be for him. Then of course I cry because I feel guilty.
-I don't like asking for help, on anything. It makes me feel like a failure.
-I feel guilty about how easily I got pregnant. I have many girlfriends who have suffered with infertility or are dealing with it now and it just plain sucks. I can imagine they've hated me a time or two in the past few years and I don't blame them.
- I can be a huge bitch.
-I shower maybe twice a week these days
-I'm a piler. I have piles all over my house. Piles of bills, piles of clothes, piles of stuff. Piles everywhere. It's my way of "organizing" stuff I either don't want to part with or am too lazy to put away.
-We've never had anyone but family babysit Miller. I can't imagine leaving miller or Matthew with a baby sitter. I know I'm being completely crazy and need to get over it but I just don't know if I can trust anyone enough.
-I'm a huge control freak. People keep telling me to have give Kyle some chores to do around the house to help but I can't because he's just going to do it wrong!! I like things done my way.
-I like to be in charge.
-I'm terrified of flying but love to travel. Xanex and wine help that problem.
-I love nursing my babies but it's just like being pregnant in so many ways and I'm ready to have my body back. I will continue to do it but it's so hard.
-Before we had kids I had a crazy busy social life and was always out with friends, traveling, partying, etc. I'm lucky if I see them every other month these days.
-Sometimes I miss my old life and the 1am trips to Pizza Boli's and hangover brunches. Hangover brunches are my favorite.
-I'm always late. Always.
-My marriage is great but having kids totally changes everything. We are in the thick of being mommy and daddy right now that it's hard to even remember who Kyle and Natalie. Sometimes I worry we'll never get back there.
-I love shopping and spending money. Sometimes I feel so shallow and materialistic but new clothes, shoes, bags or make up feel like therapy sometimes.
-I have a shopping allowance. Kyle paid off a bunch of my credit card debit after we got married so I've had an allowance ever since.
-I don't like going anywhere without make up on. I wish I could be one of those roll out of bed and go people but I'm not and I never will be. I even have a hard time embracing the mom yoga pants uniform because I feel the need to be more dressed up. I think it's the uniform wearing catholic school girl in me.
-I have about 11lbs of baby weight to lose. It doesn't sound like a lot but after 2 pregnancies in 16 months nothing is in the same place. It feels more like 20lbs. I'm afraid I may never get my pre-baby body back. I'm afraid of how long it might take.
-I put Miller in two playgroups this year but they're really for me. I'm looking for some "mom friends" and I don't feel like I'm any good at making friends anymore. Motherhood can be lonely and isolating.
So tell me what's something we would only know about you if we were real life friends?!
*Sorry for the heavy post, you can blame my pregnancy hormones :)
**Gomi for those who don't know stands for Get off my Internets and its basically a blogger hate site with forums where people bitch about/trash bloggers. It's gross, google it of you want to know more because I refuse to link to it from here.
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Are we twins??!! I completely related to every single thing that you wrote here. Two so close together is your new normal but it's also incredibly draining and I imagine every time you have a baby (no matter the age difference) there's jealousy and the guilty mommy feelings that you aren't able to devote 100% of yourself to one of your children. I feel like in many ways I am more patient now but at the same time I have a temper now that I never had before and I get incredibly frustrated with really little things. The best thing I did for my sanity was to get a cleaning lady to come once a month to do the deep cleaning and my mom gifted us a sweet college student to play with Abby for a few hours a week; that was hard for me at first but she loved having someone to take her on special outings to the playground, play 1:1, etc., even when I was at home with them. As for your relationship with Kyle, it definitely shifts once you become a parent but the friends that I look up to the most are the ones who seem to still make time for themselves and their friends without kids involved. I'm still working on getting to that place but we have more glimpses of it now that the kids are older! Hang in there and be sure to cut yourself LOTS of slack - nothing needs to be perfect! You are a sweet and wonderful friend, wife and mommy!
ReplyDeleteOhh GOMI is horrible but I know what you mean about not being able to look away! We ALL struggle with things like this, we ALL have things in our life that aren't perfect or that aren't "blog-worthy". A lot of times I feel like my life's too boring to blog about. I totally identify with the shopping as therapy thing! I feel guilty about it too but there is just something about a new dress or purse that makes you feel better sometimes.
ReplyDeleteGlad to know im not the only gomi reader! It's a total guilty pleasure right?! I loved reading this and getting the truth on how being a mom is. Some of these SAHM bloggers make it look so easy and they can go to lunches daily and buy whatever they want but who are they are trying to kid? Themselves obviously. That's sad about that blogger making a fake life but I get it. We only share out greatest hits on our blogs and we share what we want ppl to think of our lives. I hope it gets easier for you. And as the commercial goes , you're doing ok mom! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, that gomi point is crazy. Would you be willing to share what blog you meant?
ReplyDeleteI hate flying too, but travel a ton. I'll probably give myself and ulcer because of my fear of flying.
Sending you extra energy, lady!
I feel like we could totally be friends in real life. I'm a huge control freak (my husband doesnt clean right either), I'm a piler o' stuff and I LOVE hangover brunches :)
ReplyDeleteThe piles of stuff really resonated with me. That's me. I feel so guilty about it too but dang it! Some stuff I just don't know what to do with it! We've only ever left Lily with family as well, which tends to put a strain on out relationship since we live 5 hrs away from our closest family member. Control freak totally. Right there with ya on the xanex while flying too. Love traveling and airports for that matter just hate the act of flying. Think it relates back to the control issue. I have a shopping allowance too. I tend to feel guilty spending any non-budgeted money since I don't exactly bring any to the table. Being a SAHM can totally be isolating once you get out there it gets better though. Like riding a bike. Have you looked into a MOMs Group chapter in your area? We would totally be besties. Two peas in a pod! I think you're fab!
ReplyDeletegomi is terrible.. i try to avoid going on that site bc its just sooo negative! i really liked this post tho! thanks for being so open and honest. my husband and i have recently talked about how our lives will change when we have our baby... im afraid i wont get as much sleep and i hope i dont turn into a crazy person. i also hope h and i can figure out a way to keep our relationship a priority while giving our baby all the attention she deserves. i imagine it'll be a balancing act! i think it's great you signed your kids up for mom groups -- i would think that would be a good way to meet other moms. please let us know how it goes! xo jillian - cornflake dreams
ReplyDeleteHangover brunches are the best!! We also have not had sitters that weren't related except my bff Kerr and she is basically family. That's just how I roll these days. Kids change everything for sure!! I miss the freedom too. I have no idea how I will handle 2 if that happens for us. Your honesty is awesome and appreciated.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I just want to give you a hug! I'm sure things will get better, but it's totally okay to feel how you're feeling.
ReplyDeleteAnd just so you know:
I followed that GOMI thread as it happened...it was NUTS!
I pile things too. Everywhere.
Abbie's only had one babysitter that isn't family - her daycare, so you're not alone on that!
I'm a control freak too, even though I know I need help from others.
The timehop app makes me miss my old life all the time, even though I love my life now.
I rarely go anywhere without makeup on. It makes me feel so much better about myself and I don't care what people think about that!
Weight loss is a drag. You'll get there.
I know exactly what you mean about local mom friends. I wish I had more too, but its so hard as a working mom to find them. Wish I could do playgroups and stuff, but there's just no time!
Keep your head up, hon. It's a season of life and you'll pull through it! :)
Best post ever! I heard about GOMI a few months ago and it's sick.
ReplyDeleteI've been on GOMI a few times and it's seriously a train wreck that you just can't look away from! I'm probably headed there next to try and figure out what blog you're talking about, ha! I don't have any kids yet so I can't offer anything here other than I'm thinking of you! I just try and remember when I'm going through a tough time that it's only a season and it will pass :)
ReplyDeleteWow! We have a lot in common! I'm also a control freak and hate asking for help even though I know I should and would probably feel better (and maybe get some sleep) if I did. I am also on a monthly allowance lol! Thank you for being honest in this post. I think we bloggers can get so wrapped up in showcasing the "perfect" life, but we forget that people will relate more if we are honest and transparent. You are doing a great job!!
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you on SO many of these things! I hate asking for help; I refuse to give Brandon "chores" around the house because he doesn't do it my way; I hate a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding; I don't think I'm good at making friends anymore because I want to go out, yet I'm so dang tired I just want to stay in; I can be a huge bitch, too; I think that shopping is the cure-all for anything and Brandon often tells me that "just because it's going on a credit card doesn't mean that it's free"; and GOMI makes me want to punch those idiots through the screen.
ReplyDeleteGOMI is the worst! I loved this post, it's so honest and I am totally like you on so many things. The only time I'm not late is when I'm picking Greyson up from school because I am kidless getting there. He's late literally every single going into school. Nursing is such a love/hate thing, and it's so different when there are kids no matter how great your marriage is. Those tiny people rock yours and each other's worlds like nothing else. At least there is always wine ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat post, I can relate in so many ways!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty! It's refreshing to read the truth about what really goes on behind the scenes sometimes and that everything isn't always picture perfect :)
ReplyDeleteJust so you know- you are totally normal and completely entitled to feeling selfish, materialistic, and frazzled!! I promise it will get easier. the bitter sweet part of that is the fact that it will become harder and harder to remember life right now in a few years when you are carpooling and chauffering 24/7! You are doing a great job and the people in your home are the only ones you need to worry about pleasing. And, when in doubt-always treat yourself!!! new clothes, good wine, and dinner out can do wonders for a mom. Good luck! Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing and I love, love, loved it. I have never been to the Gomi site because I am too afraid to even see it and don't want to get sucked in to reading all the bad stuff…. my friends have told me some horrors about some of their "big" blog friends who were just ripped to shreds and cried constantly. Don't stress you know no matter what you are doing the best you can and are an amazing wife and mom and everything!! Hangover brunches aren't as fun as you remember….. I promise…. because the hangovers just SUCK now and aren't at all like they were the first few years post college when they were so fun. Touche for this post and you look beautiful!
ReplyDeletewww.itsthelittlethingsblog.blogspot.com
This was such a refreshing post. I am a total control freak as well and most times it is just easier to do it yourself. My sister has 3 kiddos and I so wish I lived closer to her because sometimes you just need a break and having family close to help sometimes makes all the difference (unless your family is high drama....which some parts of mine are.....in that case they wouldn't help). My sister took a lot of barre classes after her babies and it really helped get her back into pre baby shape. I also sent her a lot of the at home dvds when she can't make it to class. Sending you lots of love! p.s GOMI is disgusting those women need to get their own damn lives.
ReplyDeleteWell...I know you IRL so I can say you portray yourself pretty accurately. I am sure having 2 kids is hard, especially how much K works. It's ok that you don't shower...I am sure you still smell like roses :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't catch this yesterday, and wow was it refreshing
ReplyDeleteI would also love to take more than one of these topics and seriously discuss over a glass or three of wine, but for now, I just like knowing more about the real Natalie and what it's like to have two kids in 16 months and the reality of it too. Thanks girl. Co
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ReplyDeleteMy name is Doris carter and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him..... he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr OHEHE spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact his email:ohehenemenspelltemple001@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteUm, Doris Carter is hilarious...?!?
ReplyDeleteI have so much weight to lose that it literally makes me cry..often. I was out of shape before I got pregnant and now I feel like I really need to lose like 30 lbs. But I am too tired to think about working out. Ugh.
Motherhood is mega isolating. I am glad I have internet friends.
Everyone's perfect mantles is pissing me off. My tv actually sits on my mantle, so there is no decorating it. "comparison is the thief of joy" never meant so much as it does now with years of blogging under my belt and all the instagram people I follow. I often think how on earth these girls can afford these amazing homes and wardrobes. who knows. maybe they developed and sold a super awesome app. or their husbands did. or they have massive debt. i dont know. it gets tiring always wanting for stuff that doesn't really matter. I think that is in part why I quit blogging regularly. I just got burnt out. Blegh. WHITE GIRL PROBLEMS.
xo! Summer
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