1.Finding Balance- I'm having the hardest time right now trying to juggle my roles as wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, cook, dog mom, blogger, house cleaner, errand runner, bill payer, etc. I feel like I'm constantly dropping the ball on a few of these things and I'm not really sure how to make it all work. I have emails or texts from friends that go unanswered and are completely forgotten about until I'm feeding Miller at 2am and suddenly remember I was supposed to write someone back. I have at least 10 blog posts in my drafts that I just can't get around to finishing. I have 5 half read books on my Kindle. I've forgotten to pay our electric bill TWICE since Miller was born. I cannot remember to do anything, ever. If you want me to do something you have to write in about 5 places and set at least 5 reminders for me and then maybe I'll remember but I probably won't.
I hate feeling like this. It sucks. How on earth do these people with multiple kids find time to look cute, go to work all day, write a daily blog post, DIY a piece of furniture, cook dinner, wear a size 0, and have a smile on their faces?!
2. Miller Sleeps on his Stomach- with a blanket or lovie in a crib with bumpers. I'm pretty sure someone from the AAP just had a heart attack reading that sentence. Right after he turned 5 months old and could roll back and forth he immediately rolled right onto his tummy to sleep. At first, like all good first time parents, we rolled him back to his back. Then about 5 minutes later he would roll himself over. After playing this game for a few nights we just let it go. He then started sticking every limb out of the crib and getting it stuck. This turned into another get up and move him every 5 minutes and neither one of us was loving it, I bought a mesh bumper and I swear that first night we all had the best sleep ever. We are currently staying at my parents house and their crib has a regular bumper in it. At first I was going to take it out but I didn't and so far Miller has enjoyed snuggling his head up against it when he sleeps on this side. We let him have a lovie and blanket at naptimes when he was about 3 months and just over the past few weeks have we been letting him have them for bedtime too. I find he sleeps so much better when has a little security item with him to hold on to.
3. Speaking of Sleep... -What? Sleep? I'm not sure I remember what that is. Miller has never once slept through the night. Yes I've been lucky with a few 7pm-5am nights but those are few and far between and in general he's up at least once a night sometimes two usually around 1am and 3 or 4am. I've been working really hard on trying to let him cry/fuss as long as I can but most nights I end up losing and he ends up winning. It also doesn't help that I don't go to bed until at least 11pm so I need to work on that too. I guess I could get more sleep if I went to bed when he did at 7pm.
4. Postpartum Body- Even though I've read this article here that Katie shared on her blog it's still hard not to feel insecure even though my body did an amazing thing. At this point I've lost all my baby weight plus 8lbs. So yes I'm technically skinner than I was pre-pregnancy but it still doesn't feel like my body and nothing seems to be quite where it used to be. The holidays completely derailed my exercising and eating healthy plan so I'm trying hard to get back on that because I know that will make me feel better but it's still hard. Even when people say I look good or don't even look like I had a baby I still don't feel as confident as I used to. I don't know if this is just something I have to learn to accept or if I will start to gradually accept the changes to my body as time goes on. I know one day I probably won't care as much but as I struggle to find a balance in my new role as mom it's difficult not to be hard on myself.
5. The Love and the Worry- The love I have for Miller is so incredibly overwhelming sometimes it just makes me want to cry. I truly never knew that I could love something or someone as much as I love him. With this great motherly love also comes an intense need to want to protect my baby from everything and keeps me up at night worrying about things that aren't even relevant right now. After the watching the news and seeing all the horrible things out there I can't even imagine sending him to school or to the movies or to a friend's house to play alone when he's older or to college or pretty much anywhere without me. My mom says I will learn to accept these things and won't worry like this but that it's a gradual process that I will work on day by day and year by year. She said it's natural to want to protect your baby but that they too will grow up and you will get through it just like every other parent does.
Hope this wasn't too heavy for a Friday! Have a great weekend!
I can relate to all of this! Super Teddy had me crying all day yesterday after seeing his story twice. I still don't know how to balance working (no set schedule so that makes it even harder. knowing when ive really worked enough) i feel like my poor husband gets neglected most of the time. and im at my pre baby weight- minus a few but I do not feel the same at all! and one bad meal makes me feel like I havent worked out in months. hang in there momma! :)
ReplyDeleteI love these keepin' it real posts! It is so helpful for us all to know that we're not the only ones struggling to find balance in our lives. It sounds like you're really rocking this motherhood thing, even if you doesn't always feel like it. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteFinding balance -- I say only blog once/week and make all of your bills automatic payments. Send a sweet e-mail out to all of your friends and let them know that they mean the world to you, and that if you forget to respond to them, it's not that you care about them any less... you're just really stress and trying to find a way to balance everything. I promise you they will understand! Your #1 priority has to be Miller, your husband and your job -- it's temporary and will pass...
ReplyDeleteAs you know, Trace also sleeps on his tummy and has since he was about 3 months old. We slept on our stomachs and we're fine... just sayin' With that being said, he also sleeps with his lovie. We had breathable bumpers and an angelcare monitor. Sometimes you have to do what's best for your child and not listen to everyone else's options of what is "right."
Sleep. Oh sleep. I am SO praying for your sweetie to sleep through the night for you! You deserve it, Mama.
You are SUCH a good mom. I hope people tell you that often!
Glad you have blogging to vent, but I wouldn't worry about not doing it if you don't have the time.
ReplyDeleteThose moms who seem to have it all together, don't. That's a fact.
And who wants to be a size 0??? Not me :)
I'm sure it will get easier, but I also don't really know. Hang on, your doing a great job! xo
I've always wondered how Mom's do it all and blog. Don't forget most bloggers only show the good in their life so I'm sure they're struggling just like you! My nephews all slept on their stomachs and I always asked my SIL if it worried her and she said she bought a pad to put under the sheets that will go off if it feels the baby not breathing. She said the first time it went off she about had a heart attack! But the baby was fine it was just a fluke!
ReplyDeleteSuper Teddy just breaks my heart. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how people do it all either...I feel just like you! (except I forget to pay credit card bills instead of the electric bill, lol). Hopefully his sleep gets better soon though - Abbie slept better immediately after going to her tummy so I'm not surprised he is too. Have you read up on Sleep training? We did Ferber and it was the best decision I've ever made. Let me know if you want to talk about it :)
Have a great weekend hon!
Switching your bills to automatic payments would probably help you remember. I always forget our cable bill (Maybe because it's so damn expensive?!) but this def made it one thing I no longer have to worry about. Hope you have a nice relaxing weekend!
ReplyDeleteWait are we the same person? I can relate to EVERYTHING you're talking about. The transition to motherhood is no joke, but amazing. xx, Liz
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Super Teddy's story. I'd never heard of Menke's Disease but now I know. So heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteAnd my goodness do I understand each and every one of your points today. Finding balance is a constant struggle for me too. I think if you asked most any mother, they'd say the same. We've just got full plates, full brains and sometime's things have to be pushed aside (or forgotten!) to make room for others. The guilt that comes along with that is serious! I feel like I'm never doing enough. I guarantee you're an AWESOME mom to Miller. He's a lucky little guy. I promise as they get older it gets a little easier. They start to sleep, need a little less constant attention and you can catch your breath a bit more. I can't say it's easy, but you know it's worth it! Hang in there, mama!
Proof that I understand that mom brain - "sometime's" - what the heck is that? Gah. So embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteFriend - let me help you with #1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I repeat, SO NOT ALONE. Most all of us mamas feel this way (or from what I can tell anyway). My answer to it is this (and I don't even listen to my own advice well, so take this for what it's worth)..... just cut back. That may mean that you don't respond to text for several days. It may mean that you start saying "no" a lot more often. It's just hard - it's a lot to balance and you want to be good at it all. But, what I'm trying to do is focus only on the things that really and truly matter. The rest isn't a big deal. My friends can learn to wait a few days. My house doesn't always have to be spotless, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard battle and I think so many of us young(ish) moms feel this way because there is just so much more to juggle these days!!!
Hugs to you - I bet you that Miller thinks you are absolutely perfect and that's all that matters!
The only reason I'm able to stay on top of bill paying is because I pay all my bills at work which is where I'm much more organized and have more time to be on the computer. When I was home for two weeks over Christmas I totally lost track of days and didn't get on the computer much so if I was a SAHM I would probably suck at it. I suggest signing up for a lot of automatic bill paying. Or set aside time once a week during nap time to always sit down and do it at once.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel! I feel like when I had SS I lost a chunk of my brain capacity. I forget everything. I forgot my lunch 3 times this week. I also forgot to pay daycare this month. With the holidays I must have just thought it was free. Oops.
ReplyDeleteI have started making a list when I am in bed for the next morning. It helps me relax almost, because I am trying to think ahead. I have also started going to bed earlier. I feel lame, but also better when I get "extra" sleep. The child worry is hard and I don't think it ever goes away, but I do think it becomes something that is easier to handle. You are rocking this mom thing from what I can tell! Miller is a doll.
Cheer up buttercup! It is Friday!!
I could write pages on #1. My mind is in a million places at once and I constantly feel more stress at any given moment than I did working ten hours a day seven days a week. Being a mom is hard stuff and no one tells you that, especially the people making life look perfect. I'm thinking they are all lying :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for helping spread the word...incredibly grateful!! xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteI have my fitness/eating under control...but my house is a disaster!!!! I have no decorating skills and my kids toys seem to permeate all through the house. I feel like I can do lots of things, but I'm having a hard time doing them 100%. Things get by me sometimes and often times I feel overwhelmed with my wife/mom/home duties. Keeping a schedule/routine helps but when something else comes up or we travel...I turn into a basket case b/c it messes with my routine.
ReplyDeleteJust seeing this now. Trust me all moms go through what you're going through. Good thing about blogging (or not good thing) people only show their best. I love reading all of their accomplishments and everything that they're buying and how organized their home is - ect. But I'm sure they're in the same boat as us. All you can do is do the best YOU can and not best yourself up for it. Being a first time mom is tough. You're learning it all first hand as well as trying to fulfill all of your roles. Don't beat yourself up. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job anyway :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there. And btw that Super Teddy story is horrible. I so feel for that poor sweet little boy and his parents
Xo
We all feel this same way; do not beat yourself up! You're a great mom but yes, everything is overwhelming and often takes more effort (and brainpower) than before! I've learned to accept that I HAVE to write down every.single.thing or I forget it and literally have no recollection of it even when reminded! I think that comes from all the stuff we're juggling plus all the mommy worry and guilt! The best thing I've done to manage this is to confide in other moms and know that it may be really hard some days, but I'm not alone in how I'm feeling!! (Plus wine is almost always involved, so that helps relax me too!) I'm really impressed by your weight loss and once you start exercising more - probably when the weather improves - you'll tone up and feel more comfortable in your "new" body! And also remember, things aren't always what they appear in the blogging world! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh and both my girls slept cuddled up to their super soft, squishy bumpers and Ginny's always slept with a lovie on her face or right next to it! And I switched their car seats around at exactly one year. Trust your instincts - they change parenting guidelines every few years!
ReplyDeleteNat you are not alone on the middle of the night wakings. My daughter was sleeping through the night at 3 months. My son (now 6 months not so much). He's definitely up twice mostly 10:30 and 4:30) and it's really exhausting. If I find a solution I'll ping you...you do the same for me!
ReplyDeleteI love reading honest mommy posts like this. Being a mom and finding balance is tough. I struggle with having my husband understand this. I think he thinks that most days I stay at home and paint my nails (not true). Grateful for your honesty!
ReplyDeleteXo, Julia
http://www.georgiapeachmommy.blogspot.com
I struggle with finding balance every day. I don't even have a baby. I think you're doing great. So you forgot to pay a few bills but you did eventually! Hang in there.
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